


Pinpointed & Spreading

by RaraAvis



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Angst, Foodie, M/M, Slash, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-04 02:56:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14583414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaraAvis/pseuds/RaraAvis
Summary: "Because it stings and he can't feel it alone..."





	Pinpointed & Spreading

**Author's Note:**

> Old story. Written 25 APRIL 2008. Posting this to inspire my lazy self to find my writing groove again, ha!
> 
> Tis in the manner of the drabble meme, which challenges one to write within a certain duration. This took me a few listens to a 4:44 song, no stops or re-starts and no editing (except for grammar/spelling, of course). It's a far cry from how long-winded I normally am (ha!), which is a smart change because I tend to linger and mull over words meticulously to the point of the ruin of my readers, I bet. ;) I aimed for brevity not poetry, for once. Now, more for the imagination, yes? This is impulsive, folks. ♥ 
> 
> Song of choice: Hollowgrams by The Evolutionaries 
> 
> "A hole is burning at the very heart of our hive..."

It's the three of them again. 

Die's small apartment a make-shift shelter in which they've lingered and lived; their shadows clinging to the walls keeping the secrets of their true identities.

Today the walls will talk.

The three have gathered for a casual dinner and Kaoru questions why he agrees to any of it when everything spoken between the other two either seems to awaken the jealous giant, or lonely child in him. 

But then he hears Kyo's isolated voice again and it's like he's revolving atop a fresh record in a protective sound booth. And Kaoru asks himself why no one ever considered upgrading to 3 dinners a day... _turn record, turn, fucking turn, turn._

Presently, the blond is incredibly low-key. He's carelessly sprawled on the floor beside Die, who is snug and sitting with his back against the bottom of the couch. The aroma has stolen Kyo's attention and he's interested in the food Die's into. He cranes his neck toward Die's bowl, as if he hadn't just devoured half the Chinese take-out they ordered. 

"Let me taste already!" He whines, dying from anticipation; exciting both Die and Kaoru with his need. But Kaoru you cannot really tell because he has his face in a magazine he's not really reading. 

Chopsticks dangle something juicy near Kyo's face, then pull away to a cocky mouth. 

"Well, if you're gonna be like that!" Kyo scoffs.

He's up on his feet. Die laughs with his mouth full and Kaoru–who was beginning to feel like he was being ignored–drops his "Fools Mate" because he's being pulled from his chair and dragged into the kitchen. The touch of hand around wrist creates an electric pulse unifying Kyo and Kaoru in a moment belonging to no one else. Satisfaction is the breath waiting to exhale, if they'd only acknowledge it. 

When in the kitchen Kyo releases Kaoru's wrist, going straight for the fridge, unaware of how characteristic his behavior is. Kaoru's chest burns with nostalgia and he smiles grievously to himself because his reality could write itself into a book. And wouldn't it end up full of dust and alone on a shelf despite it's sentimental worth...?

Kaoru sighs and Kyo doesn't hear because he's going through the fridge for a beverage as he mumbles. But he doesn't need to hear because any time he shares the same space with the guitarist the reverb of ache bounces between their bodies and his senses enhance. He doesn't feel he has to say anything. He feigns obliviousness because he doesn't want to be eaten alive. Hell, right now his mind is telling him he is thirsty and it doesn't hurt not to be alone. Yes, that's it. That's. It.

"I don't get it." Kyo's neck muscles vibrate from a dull laugh, but Kaoru doesn't see it because Kyo's head is bent toward the top shelf of the fridge. Kyo continues like he never stopped, "He's like that with everything. Shouldn't we be over the selfish stage? I mean-"

And Kaoru comes from behind, nose easing into blond hair; instantly paralyzing a mind that can usually think itself out of anything. Kyo visibly swallows as he stands but he can only straighten as far as Kaoru's proximity allows. 

Kaoru runs his hands over Kyo's arms. The sound of the fridge door slamming shut on it's own echoes mercilessly and Kyo knows there is no where left to run. He stiffens when he feels Kaoru's hot breath through his hair.

"He doesn't see you like I do. He never has." Kaoru insists. 

Because Die and Kyo are a year into it and this will not be the first time Kaoru will not be denied by Kyo, who makes no resistant action against ever meandering hands. Besides, Kaoru's heard talk between the two of dreams long since flattened, dead and buried. He has impeccable depth of vision and wants to offer the alternative to Kyo in real mother fucking 3D. Arrogance? He prefers to call it love...

Arms surround, composure weakening, and what is not suppose to surface shoots into reality like a torpedo–and Kyo leans back into Kaoru only because he is afraid of falling.

"He doesn't have to." Kyo's words express a bleakness that chills his breath into visibility. 

The impact makes Kaoru wince, because all but the hard truth is being blown away. The walls haven't been wiped completely clean and Kaoru knows Kyo can't stand to look at distortion any longer than he can. 

Kaoru tightens his hold, symbolically mirroring the grip he wants over the truth in Kyo's heart.

Kyo pulls a deep breath in and holds it there. Whatever layer is keeping the truth sealed in-however thin it may be-is staying put. Kaoru does not delight in stripping Kyo's mental and emotional house, but as far as he is concerned that does less harm than leaving things be. His eyes do not ask Kyo to be something he is not, but beg for Kyo to unlock the door and let him in. But seeing Kyo's face twist into a frustrated and confused mess as time lengthens the embrace, Kaoru begins to doubt the existence of a key, and even Kyo's desire for there to be one. 

Kaoru reels, "No...you need..." But trails off, thinking twice when he notices Kyo's hands are shaking slightly from being too deeply impressed. His own resolve put through a test of strength, not unlike girders enduring an earthquake.

Kyo's stomach drops to the ground, weighed down by the pressure of knowing this is the closest Kaoru has ever come to an outright confession and proposition combined. Thoughts import, of himself, of Die, of Kaoru, of the dynamic and possibilities; haphazardly nomadic like parcels without famed destinations. Nowhere do each meet-to be unwrapped and studied madly-and no way, no how can HE meet with contentment. A plethora of words are in his mouth and only a few are strong enough to burst through his teeth to cut in; he has spoken them to himself many times before.

"He was never meant to!" He cries. To Kaoru it sounds as if he has known it all along. 

And then they're facing each other because Kaoru's swift to move them and Kyo looks genuinely surprised because Kaoru's never been this desperate. But it really shouldn't matter because Kyo assumes Kaoru doesn't know how to reach him except by stealth. 

Inches away from each other, only one man can bare to keep his eyes open and dry amidst the ragged sound of their breathing. The second manages to stay steady only because of purchase to the other's shirt at the shoulder. Then all eyes open and Kaoru searches for more than friendship in Kyo's but he even fails to see the reflection of himself. And he thinks, he's colorblind, he has to be before he speaks:

"Then why...?" 

The words hang there like a storm cloud.

Kyo isn't answering. Kaoru waits for revelation to rain down but it never does. There is only a shared look that lacks understanding. 

Kaoru frowns, knowing none can escape the robotism of habit. 

This new world he and Kyo are creating shrinks to a pebble and after a long silence Die enters and kicks it back under water. The tears of engagement are bound only to stain inside because they separate to opposite ends of the room; delivered by the gravity of fear. But they can't drown with their eyes closed, oh no, they've already seen what is on the surface. And it waits for them to come back but they have both aged in their cautiousness and try hard not to look at each other.

Kaoru washes his loss away with a swig of beer and Kyo endures Die's apology (for previously denying his need for sustenance) in the form of teasing pecks, laid wherever Die finds his need. And their emotions make them Gods, with the power to overtake the atmosphere. The air is getting thin and Kaoru reluctantly ditches the beer to wipe sweat from his brow. When a hesitant mewl hits his ears his eyes flash over to the sound.

It's discreet but Die's sixth sense picks up on Kaoru's stare. He deliberately exposes Kyo's neck line to make a show of his tongue traveling it seductively. Possessively. He needn't school Kaoru on the ownership rights of property but he just can't resist. 

When the red head finds an ear, the blond frowns but forces a smile because Die doesn't need to say anything for clarity to frost him. Die stops whispering, pulls back and walks out with a look to Kaoru. It's interpreted as challenging and deliberate, but if Kaoru knew where to look-if he EVER did-he'd see a faint wrinkle of longing underlining Die's eyes.

Kyo grows unusually quiet when Die is out of sight. 

Abruptly his actions become gluttonous, he grabs at Kaoru with abandon, messing his shirt and exposing skin in the process. It's practically melodious to Kaoru, still he's stunned to silence while his lips are quickly made use of in staggering ways. His hands flex for an anchor because he's way too high and his reactions are unbridled and he is going to hit the ceiling fan. Impossible, oh God, impossible. He has the counter top for leverage but the merge is powerful enough to send them free floating in the center of the room. Fast, oh God, so fast, human and benumbing... but he's just waiting for another bomb to drop.

Hyper-extending his need, Kaoru pushes his groin into Kyo, who by his own nefariousness is playing deeper inside Kaoru's mouth, rupturing as many emotional muscles as is possible. Because it stings and he can't feel it alone.

When Kyo comes up for air he lowers his head, dispirited and overwhelmed. He pushes himself to continue where Kaoru's last question left off:

"Because he likes the taste of you on my lips."

Is what Kyo leaves Kaoru with as he widens the space between them and sluggishly exits out into the other room, back onto the emotional assembly line, without even so much as a parting look.

Kaoru wonders if this is what it feels like to die. 

For a few solid minutes his fingers do not leave his lips and it's okay to pretend all walls are clean and clear and Die doesn't exist.

~ ~ ~

_Grey stars in a bleached white sky_  
pure and hollow  
post human infection from another world  
the heart is dead  
the mind is gone  
hollowgrams, hollowgrams, hollowgrams 

**Author's Note:**

> 1) I am aware it is improper Japanese etiquette to pass food from your chop sticks to another's mouth. However, I do not negate Kyo and Die's understanding of this, if anything their ignorance is deliberate, which should give you an idea of the informality of their 'relationship'.
> 
> 2) I like the points of love triangles extra sharp. I don't even know who to be empathetic for and I wrote this damn thing, lol. But I'd love to know who everyone else feels for, if you feel at all. 
> 
> 3) How the song's theme coincides with the story: I feel it to dissect the word 'Hollowgram' firstly. It is a play on 'hologram'; The pattern produced on a photosensitive medium that has been exposed by holography and then photographically developed. (answers.com) I kept referencing walls subtly to relate to this 'holographic exposition' because I imagined my characters' stories being projected on one. But what is projected can sometimes be distorted, incomplete and in the eye of the beholder. Things are certainly not what they seem. Everyone thinks they see the truth but they don't. Everyone thinks they are living the truth but they're not. How I love to torture. ;) 
> 
> 4) In terms of the lyrics, hello cleverly ironic! I'd say The Evolutionaries are accusing the human race of essentially being hollow, duplicitous and indoctrinated at the core (not a belief I share, however!) How would that kind of operation play out in relationships? If we're selfish and wired for deceit we may as well not even try for connection, we may as well be 'post human supermen' acting like love only makes sense so long as we get what we want, for it is what our programming dictates. Hence the lies and why I made Kaoru hinge on the selfish belief that he was better for Kyo than Die, when that belief should have everything to do with he AND Kyo. Tsk tsk tsk.


End file.
